incendiarystory (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} incendiarystory) wrote,@ 2004-12-03 23:26:00 |
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Why Sleep When I'll Only Dream - CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Doubting The World And Doubting Herself
It had taken all of a minute for Emily to realize that Scott was drunk. And, he wasn't just what she would describe as "tipsy" or even "smashed." Scott was drunk to the point where he might not remember anything she said the next day. She had been able to tell just how intoxicated he was when she had first grabbed ahold of him upon seeing him again. It was the clumsy way that he held her and the fact that he didn't seem to want to let go. She knew that he wasn't using her as a system of physical support to prop himself up but he probably wasn't far from it.
She felt that it would have been fair if he had been using her to keep himself from falling over going back to the chairs set up in front of the makeshift stage, since she herself had felt like she was using him as a mental crutch. When he wouldn't let go, she didn't mind because she did not want to let go either.
Seeing Scott an hour earlier was like seeing him for the first time again. She was so nervous about saying the wrong thing. She didn't fear because she thought he would say something derogatory to her. Even at the end, he seemed to have tried hard not to damage her ego. And, she knew him well enough to know that in her fragile state now, he had obviously caught the message in her e-mail, he wouldn't say anything if, as the old saying went, he had nothing nice to say.
As the night had progressed, therefore, she did get a little upset when he hadn't said anything at all. But, now that the Australians had left, he was a flurry of conversation albeit in a slurred speech.
The strangest thing had happened when she had actually seen him. All of the things that she wanted to tell him about what had happened to her suddenly seemed unimportant in the moment. But her heart was warmed by the fact that he wanted to discuss them. This was the Scott that she remembered.
There was plenty of Scott, however, that Emily didn't recognize at all. For one thing, she had never seen him so actively seeking to get drunk. And, she had never seen him with the type of people that the Australians seemed to be - loud, fight-happy, louts.
It was to this topic that she steered the conversation right after the three were out of ear shot.
"So, how did you manage to hook up with such a group of people like that? I thought you hated the drunken frat boy type," she had said.
"Oh those guys," Scott said, "they're in my dorm. They got to the room right after I got off the train. And, well, after the night I had yesterday by myself, I needed to get out."
"What happened last night?" Emily asked.
"I got locked out of my hostel in Prague. When they say '1:00 a.m.' in the Czech Republic, they mean '1:00 a.m.' I really tried to get back before the lock-out but the show ran late?"
"Who'd you go to see?"
"Eastern Sodomite. You remember them? I told you about them a few time I think. They're that Polish heavy metal band that I used to love in high school. They're actually the reason that I went to Warsaw in the first place. I mean, I know you think it's a weird place to go with all of Europe to see. Well, I missed them in Poland, so I followed them to Prague. And they were at this amazing club with this weird psychedelic paintings on the wall and the whole thing was lit in black light. It's weird 'cause it was like a hippy place, but they were playing metal. This continent is just one contradiction after another, but that's why I love it."
Emily recoiled at the thought of Scott not being in Berlin in the morning because he was going to see some heavy metal band he had listened to a decade ago. But, she couldn't blame him for wanting to live on his own schedule. Had she had the choice, she probably would have done the same thing. She wished she had that freedom while she had been with Sandra.
The very thought of Sandra made Emily blurt out before she even realized it, in response to Scott's love for Europe, "I hate it!"
"You hate what?" Scott said after a pause.
"I hate Europe. I don't know why I came here in the first place."
"If I remember correctly," Scott said, "and at this point in my blood alcohol level I'm not sure I do, you came here to see the museums of Paris, Vienna, and Rome."
"I know," Emily said biting her lip. "You know what? I actually haven't seen any of them, a museum I mean. Not a single one. I wish I had been in Paris with you and not Sandra. All she wanted to do was go out to the bars at night and sleep in all day."
This was a slight untruth she realized. She really couldn't account for Sandra's whereabouts during most of their time in Paris. For all she knew, Sandra had spent all of her time with Jean during the days seeing the Louvre. Somehow she doubted it though. The closest Sandra had probably come to any art was staring at a painting on Jean's bedroom wall over his naked left shoulder.
"Just like at home," Scott said with some disgust in his voice, "why would you come to Europe and do the same things you can do at home?"
"Exactly," Emily proclaimed, "that's what I tried to tell her! I missed you so much Scott. I think you're the only person on this entire continent who understands that! Everyone here seems to be after one giant party. Like the three British girls in my dorm, for example. They spent the entirety of the afternoon getting ready to go to the bars in Berlin! And when I wouldn't go with them, I heard them talking. They called me a 'strange bird.'"
"I missed you too Emmy," Scott said.
Emily could feel herself blushing.
"You're not strange at all. I've noticed the same thing. But what I've come to realize is that it's just the age that everybody is who's coming over here. They're all university students. On the train I took from Vienna to Budapest, for example, a bunch of students actually brought a keg. They brought a keg on the train for goodness sakes."
"But you and I were never like that in college, were we?" Emily asked, knowing that the truth lay somewhere in a gray area between a yes and no answer. Scott probably didn't know it, but this was her first test of his honesty.
"We would never have brought a keg on a train or anything, but I think we ended up at our fair share of parties. Remember that I met you at one."
"I remember that. I was just thinking about that on the plane from Chicago actually. I remember that we left that party as quickly as possible. You never like parties either. It was actually one of the things that attracted me to you that first night we met. That's why I'm surprised that I saw you out with those three Australians guys."
"You'd be surprised at them. They seem to like to party. And it seems like Shamus has partied way too hard in his day. But, they've got another side too, each of them. Ian's actually studying to be a marine biologist and from what I met of him...from what I understood..."
Scott paused and smiled at Emily, continuing, "he's absolutely brilliant. And Nigel, he's actually published a book. 22-years old and he's published a novel."
"Yeah, I like Nigel, definitely the conscience of the group," Emily said, "he reminds me of someone that I met in Paris."
Before she had even finished the sentence, Emily regretted making the statement. Or more to the point, she regretted using the words "met" and "someone." Instantly it was as if she had cast a spell on Scott. A spell that's sole purpose was to wipe the smile off of someone's face. And, her incantation had the desired, or in this case the undesired, effect of working its magic.
"You met someone in Paris?" Scott said. His head drooped down and if he had just witnessed someone die in front of him in battle and couldn't soldier on.
"No, it's not like that Scott," Emily said trying to get him to look up at her. But his eyes would not meet hers. She repeated her claim and then she realized something. It was like that.
"Alright, since I told you earlier to tell the truth, I guess I have to tell the truth also. It was like that. And I know you worried about that. And I know that's the whole reason you broke up with me, that you worried that would happen. And you were right, it did..."
Now Scott really looked like he was going to throw himself out of the window of his hostel dorm.
"But, then he did something terrible to me. Something I don't even want to talk about. And, you know what I realized? I realized that we had a lot in common, but that there's more to a relationship than that. But, I don't even want to call it a relationship, it was only one date..."
Emily had began to shake herself recalling that night in Paris with Greg. She knew it was an illusion of her mind but she felt the cuts on her arms begin to flare with pain anew.
She said, "look Scott."
He wouldn't look up.
"Look at me Scott..."
Still no response.
"Please Scott, look at me."
He looked up and she could see the pain in his eyes. The expression seared at her conscience. Why had she even brought it up? When she looked for anything in his eyes to absolve herself of what she had just done, there was nothing. She was unredeemable. There wasn't even the satisfaction in his eyes of his having been right that could have arisen from the situation.
She rolled up the left sleeve of her green sweater vest.
"Look at this Scott," she said, "this is what all the commonality in the world got me."
He looked at her arm.
"He got drunk, he shoved me down in an alleyway and he tried to fucking rape me."
She wasn't even trying to cry to get sympathy now. The tears flowed at the same feeling she got, even now in Berlin, at that lack of safety she had felt in Paris. Scott reached over to touch her arm as if he couldn't believe that the scrapes and bruises, and cuts were real.
Emily wasn't sure if she wanted him to touch her arm. She knew the action wouldn't cause any more pain. But, the very thought of him touching her in the same place where Greg had held her down in that alleyway full of broken glass made a chill go up her spine. There was almost an electricity that she'd get the urge to fight Scott, who had done nothing wrong.
She let his finger gently glance her arm and then she pulled it away in a gesture to let him know that she didn't want him to continue.
"Emily, I'm so sorry, I didn't know."
"You couldn't have known Scott, I didn't tell anybody. I didn't tell the police, I was scared because I pretty much attacked him when I got the chance. As soon as I got the upper hand in that alley, I exacted a horrible revenge. I'm scared Scott. I assaulted him within an inch of his life. I could have killed him with one more kick."
"It was in self defense, Emily, you're not violent."
"But that's just it Scott, I'm scared for myself. I don't know what I'm capable of right now. I slapped Sandra when she tried to prevent me from leaving Paris. I feel really guilty about it because she was the one who was trying to help me. But she said such terrible things."
"What did she say?"
"I don't even want to talk about them. Scott, you would never do something like that, right?"
Scott seemed to take the question in better stride than she could have expected, "no, Emily I would never hurt you. You know that, right?"
"I know. You would never do that to anybody, right?"
"Of course not," Scott snapped back, almost in anger. Emily wasn't sure if he was angry at the accusation or at the thought of the act itself. "That's a despicable thing to do to any woman. I hope you know better than that."
She had actually expected Scott to take more offense to her question that he had. She could have forgiven him if he got angry because to accuse anyone of being a potential rapist could be as damaging to their psyche as actually committing the act.
"Scott I'm so sorry," Emily said, the tears now rolling off her chin and onto the neck of her shirt. She felt the warm moisture and it might as well have been blood. She felt like her insides were spilling out both in what she was saying and in the accompanying reaction. "See, I'm even being an awful person to you right now. That's all I needed to know. I just don't know if I can trust anybody right now, not even myself. Scott, I'm a horrible person."
"You're not horrible Emily!" Scott said, "Don't even say that about yourself. What you went through, no one should have to go through what you went through. If you had killed him, he probably would have deserved it. And, as far as Sandra goes, I don't know exactly what she did, but she probably deserved it too. I've known you for almost six years now and we've shared everything, right? If you had the capability in you to commit any destructive act I would know. And trust me, I'm big of self preservation. I would have ran if I were ever scared you'd do anything to hurt me. I'd hope you'd do the same thing."
Emily thought back to the incident with her ex-boyfriend's car right before she left for college. The bastard deserved to have his headlights smashed in. Didn't he? She couldn't even remember now how he had abused her. All she remembered now was the final act of retribution. Scott didn't know about this incident. She had never told him. She wondered if she should tell him now.
She didn't get a chance either way.
Scott looked at her and said, "Emily come here."
He stood up and she did the same. He gently grabbed her neck and pulled her head towards him. His fingers began to run through her hair again. "Emmy," he said. The mere mention of her nickname made a warm feeling shoot through her chest. She had missed hearing him call her that. It always made the pain subside when he did and it still worked like his own magic spell.
"Everything is going to be alright," he continued, "you're away from Paris now and you're here with me. Nothing bad is going to happen to you."
"Promise?" she said meekly.
"You know I can't promise you the world isn't going to try to hurt you while you're here and while I'm around," he said as he had so many times before. She could almost repeat this speech verbatim as he said it. But the originality wasn't important since she knew that true sentiment lay behind it, "but I'll move hell and high water if I can to make sure nothing does."
He added something new this time, however when he said, "my little broken hallelujah."
"I do feel broken Scott like I never have before. I don't know if anyone can put the pieces back together."
"I'll try Emily, promise I will."
Emily pulled away and said, "I don't know if anybody can. I honestly don't know if anybody can."
The tears were now dry but Emily was exhausted from the exertion of the tears and the baring of her soul. "I'm going to go now, if that's alright. You can go join the Aussies if you want."
"I don't know where they went," Scott said, "but even if I did, I wouldn't go because I'd rather be here with you. There's nothing in the world that I want more."
Emily thought about what to do now. Should she let Scott come back up to her room. She didn't know what she'd do if he was let to come upstairs. She didn't know what he'd do if she let him come upstairs.
"I think I'd rather be alone right now, you understand, right?" Emily said.
"Of course I understand. Only you know what's best for you after all that you've been through," Scott replied.
"I really don't know either. But I just think it's better if I go to sleep now and don't talk anymore tonight. And you should get some sleep since you didn't yesterday. Let's go see Berlin tomorrow. You haven't seen any of it, right?"
"Not unless you count this karaoke bar," Scott said with a smile. It was so good to see him smiling again even if she couldn't at the moment.
"Well, I've hated Berlin so far too. But maybe there's some location that I've missed. You seemed to be having such a great time in Warsaw that maybe you know something I don't about this whole European travel thing."
"About the only thing I know is that I'm never staying a hostel with a curfew again," Scott joked. This time Emily could smile. She began to walk back into the lobby.
"Wait," Scott said loudly as he walked up behind her, "when and where do you want to meet?"
"9:30 a.m. at Zoo Station just like we planned, o.k."
Scott nodded as Emily began to walk away again.
"Emily, wait," Scott said loudly again.
Emily turned around again hoping that Scott wasn't going to ask where in Zoo Station they were supposed to meet.
"I didn't like Paris either, the whole city looks like a bunch of monster's teeth. There's nothing weird about hating Paris at all. But hasn't Berlin been at least a little better than Paris was?"
"Certain parts," Emily said with a little smile returning to her face. "How often do I get to hear you drunkenly warble Dire Straits songs?"
"Maybe a lot more in the future," Scott joked, "hopefully a lot more in the future. Good night Emily."
"You too Scott. I'll see you soon," she looked at her watch, "ten-and-a-half hours."
Scott grinned. "Some things never change, do they?"
"And I hope they never do," Emily said as she turned away to walk up the stairs, reaching down to straighten her skirt. It was only after the motion had stated that she realized that he two hands would have rubbed against nothing but pant leg.
She looked back at Scott trying to gauge his reaction to that awkward gesture. She also wondered if he would follow, hoping that he wouldn't. She didn't want to ruin this perfect moment and she didn't want him to ruin it either. She was relieved when he was already gone from the area at the foot of the stairs. He had went to sit down at a computer terminal in the lobby.
Emily smiled as she opened the door to her hostel room. The four bunks were empty and the place was so quiet with the English girls gone. She was asleep before she even had a chance to set an alarm.
Chapter Word Count: 3250
Daily Word Count: 3250
Total Word Count: 72115
It had taken all of a minute for Emily to realize that Scott was drunk. And, he wasn't just what she would describe as "tipsy" or even "smashed." Scott was drunk to the point where he might not remember anything she said the next day. She had been able to tell just how intoxicated he was when she had first grabbed ahold of him upon seeing him again. It was the clumsy way that he held her and the fact that he didn't seem to want to let go. She knew that he wasn't using her as a system of physical support to prop himself up but he probably wasn't far from it.
She felt that it would have been fair if he had been using her to keep himself from falling over going back to the chairs set up in front of the makeshift stage, since she herself had felt like she was using him as a mental crutch. When he wouldn't let go, she didn't mind because she did not want to let go either.
Seeing Scott an hour earlier was like seeing him for the first time again. She was so nervous about saying the wrong thing. She didn't fear because she thought he would say something derogatory to her. Even at the end, he seemed to have tried hard not to damage her ego. And, she knew him well enough to know that in her fragile state now, he had obviously caught the message in her e-mail, he wouldn't say anything if, as the old saying went, he had nothing nice to say.
As the night had progressed, therefore, she did get a little upset when he hadn't said anything at all. But, now that the Australians had left, he was a flurry of conversation albeit in a slurred speech.
The strangest thing had happened when she had actually seen him. All of the things that she wanted to tell him about what had happened to her suddenly seemed unimportant in the moment. But her heart was warmed by the fact that he wanted to discuss them. This was the Scott that she remembered.
There was plenty of Scott, however, that Emily didn't recognize at all. For one thing, she had never seen him so actively seeking to get drunk. And, she had never seen him with the type of people that the Australians seemed to be - loud, fight-happy, louts.
It was to this topic that she steered the conversation right after the three were out of ear shot.
"So, how did you manage to hook up with such a group of people like that? I thought you hated the drunken frat boy type," she had said.
"Oh those guys," Scott said, "they're in my dorm. They got to the room right after I got off the train. And, well, after the night I had yesterday by myself, I needed to get out."
"What happened last night?" Emily asked.
"I got locked out of my hostel in Prague. When they say '1:00 a.m.' in the Czech Republic, they mean '1:00 a.m.' I really tried to get back before the lock-out but the show ran late?"
"Who'd you go to see?"
"Eastern Sodomite. You remember them? I told you about them a few time I think. They're that Polish heavy metal band that I used to love in high school. They're actually the reason that I went to Warsaw in the first place. I mean, I know you think it's a weird place to go with all of Europe to see. Well, I missed them in Poland, so I followed them to Prague. And they were at this amazing club with this weird psychedelic paintings on the wall and the whole thing was lit in black light. It's weird 'cause it was like a hippy place, but they were playing metal. This continent is just one contradiction after another, but that's why I love it."
Emily recoiled at the thought of Scott not being in Berlin in the morning because he was going to see some heavy metal band he had listened to a decade ago. But, she couldn't blame him for wanting to live on his own schedule. Had she had the choice, she probably would have done the same thing. She wished she had that freedom while she had been with Sandra.
The very thought of Sandra made Emily blurt out before she even realized it, in response to Scott's love for Europe, "I hate it!"
"You hate what?" Scott said after a pause.
"I hate Europe. I don't know why I came here in the first place."
"If I remember correctly," Scott said, "and at this point in my blood alcohol level I'm not sure I do, you came here to see the museums of Paris, Vienna, and Rome."
"I know," Emily said biting her lip. "You know what? I actually haven't seen any of them, a museum I mean. Not a single one. I wish I had been in Paris with you and not Sandra. All she wanted to do was go out to the bars at night and sleep in all day."
This was a slight untruth she realized. She really couldn't account for Sandra's whereabouts during most of their time in Paris. For all she knew, Sandra had spent all of her time with Jean during the days seeing the Louvre. Somehow she doubted it though. The closest Sandra had probably come to any art was staring at a painting on Jean's bedroom wall over his naked left shoulder.
"Just like at home," Scott said with some disgust in his voice, "why would you come to Europe and do the same things you can do at home?"
"Exactly," Emily proclaimed, "that's what I tried to tell her! I missed you so much Scott. I think you're the only person on this entire continent who understands that! Everyone here seems to be after one giant party. Like the three British girls in my dorm, for example. They spent the entirety of the afternoon getting ready to go to the bars in Berlin! And when I wouldn't go with them, I heard them talking. They called me a 'strange bird.'"
"I missed you too Emmy," Scott said.
Emily could feel herself blushing.
"You're not strange at all. I've noticed the same thing. But what I've come to realize is that it's just the age that everybody is who's coming over here. They're all university students. On the train I took from Vienna to Budapest, for example, a bunch of students actually brought a keg. They brought a keg on the train for goodness sakes."
"But you and I were never like that in college, were we?" Emily asked, knowing that the truth lay somewhere in a gray area between a yes and no answer. Scott probably didn't know it, but this was her first test of his honesty.
"We would never have brought a keg on a train or anything, but I think we ended up at our fair share of parties. Remember that I met you at one."
"I remember that. I was just thinking about that on the plane from Chicago actually. I remember that we left that party as quickly as possible. You never like parties either. It was actually one of the things that attracted me to you that first night we met. That's why I'm surprised that I saw you out with those three Australians guys."
"You'd be surprised at them. They seem to like to party. And it seems like Shamus has partied way too hard in his day. But, they've got another side too, each of them. Ian's actually studying to be a marine biologist and from what I met of him...from what I understood..."
Scott paused and smiled at Emily, continuing, "he's absolutely brilliant. And Nigel, he's actually published a book. 22-years old and he's published a novel."
"Yeah, I like Nigel, definitely the conscience of the group," Emily said, "he reminds me of someone that I met in Paris."
Before she had even finished the sentence, Emily regretted making the statement. Or more to the point, she regretted using the words "met" and "someone." Instantly it was as if she had cast a spell on Scott. A spell that's sole purpose was to wipe the smile off of someone's face. And, her incantation had the desired, or in this case the undesired, effect of working its magic.
"You met someone in Paris?" Scott said. His head drooped down and if he had just witnessed someone die in front of him in battle and couldn't soldier on.
"No, it's not like that Scott," Emily said trying to get him to look up at her. But his eyes would not meet hers. She repeated her claim and then she realized something. It was like that.
"Alright, since I told you earlier to tell the truth, I guess I have to tell the truth also. It was like that. And I know you worried about that. And I know that's the whole reason you broke up with me, that you worried that would happen. And you were right, it did..."
Now Scott really looked like he was going to throw himself out of the window of his hostel dorm.
"But, then he did something terrible to me. Something I don't even want to talk about. And, you know what I realized? I realized that we had a lot in common, but that there's more to a relationship than that. But, I don't even want to call it a relationship, it was only one date..."
Emily had began to shake herself recalling that night in Paris with Greg. She knew it was an illusion of her mind but she felt the cuts on her arms begin to flare with pain anew.
She said, "look Scott."
He wouldn't look up.
"Look at me Scott..."
Still no response.
"Please Scott, look at me."
He looked up and she could see the pain in his eyes. The expression seared at her conscience. Why had she even brought it up? When she looked for anything in his eyes to absolve herself of what she had just done, there was nothing. She was unredeemable. There wasn't even the satisfaction in his eyes of his having been right that could have arisen from the situation.
She rolled up the left sleeve of her green sweater vest.
"Look at this Scott," she said, "this is what all the commonality in the world got me."
He looked at her arm.
"He got drunk, he shoved me down in an alleyway and he tried to fucking rape me."
She wasn't even trying to cry to get sympathy now. The tears flowed at the same feeling she got, even now in Berlin, at that lack of safety she had felt in Paris. Scott reached over to touch her arm as if he couldn't believe that the scrapes and bruises, and cuts were real.
Emily wasn't sure if she wanted him to touch her arm. She knew the action wouldn't cause any more pain. But, the very thought of him touching her in the same place where Greg had held her down in that alleyway full of broken glass made a chill go up her spine. There was almost an electricity that she'd get the urge to fight Scott, who had done nothing wrong.
She let his finger gently glance her arm and then she pulled it away in a gesture to let him know that she didn't want him to continue.
"Emily, I'm so sorry, I didn't know."
"You couldn't have known Scott, I didn't tell anybody. I didn't tell the police, I was scared because I pretty much attacked him when I got the chance. As soon as I got the upper hand in that alley, I exacted a horrible revenge. I'm scared Scott. I assaulted him within an inch of his life. I could have killed him with one more kick."
"It was in self defense, Emily, you're not violent."
"But that's just it Scott, I'm scared for myself. I don't know what I'm capable of right now. I slapped Sandra when she tried to prevent me from leaving Paris. I feel really guilty about it because she was the one who was trying to help me. But she said such terrible things."
"What did she say?"
"I don't even want to talk about them. Scott, you would never do something like that, right?"
Scott seemed to take the question in better stride than she could have expected, "no, Emily I would never hurt you. You know that, right?"
"I know. You would never do that to anybody, right?"
"Of course not," Scott snapped back, almost in anger. Emily wasn't sure if he was angry at the accusation or at the thought of the act itself. "That's a despicable thing to do to any woman. I hope you know better than that."
She had actually expected Scott to take more offense to her question that he had. She could have forgiven him if he got angry because to accuse anyone of being a potential rapist could be as damaging to their psyche as actually committing the act.
"Scott I'm so sorry," Emily said, the tears now rolling off her chin and onto the neck of her shirt. She felt the warm moisture and it might as well have been blood. She felt like her insides were spilling out both in what she was saying and in the accompanying reaction. "See, I'm even being an awful person to you right now. That's all I needed to know. I just don't know if I can trust anybody right now, not even myself. Scott, I'm a horrible person."
"You're not horrible Emily!" Scott said, "Don't even say that about yourself. What you went through, no one should have to go through what you went through. If you had killed him, he probably would have deserved it. And, as far as Sandra goes, I don't know exactly what she did, but she probably deserved it too. I've known you for almost six years now and we've shared everything, right? If you had the capability in you to commit any destructive act I would know. And trust me, I'm big of self preservation. I would have ran if I were ever scared you'd do anything to hurt me. I'd hope you'd do the same thing."
Emily thought back to the incident with her ex-boyfriend's car right before she left for college. The bastard deserved to have his headlights smashed in. Didn't he? She couldn't even remember now how he had abused her. All she remembered now was the final act of retribution. Scott didn't know about this incident. She had never told him. She wondered if she should tell him now.
She didn't get a chance either way.
Scott looked at her and said, "Emily come here."
He stood up and she did the same. He gently grabbed her neck and pulled her head towards him. His fingers began to run through her hair again. "Emmy," he said. The mere mention of her nickname made a warm feeling shoot through her chest. She had missed hearing him call her that. It always made the pain subside when he did and it still worked like his own magic spell.
"Everything is going to be alright," he continued, "you're away from Paris now and you're here with me. Nothing bad is going to happen to you."
"Promise?" she said meekly.
"You know I can't promise you the world isn't going to try to hurt you while you're here and while I'm around," he said as he had so many times before. She could almost repeat this speech verbatim as he said it. But the originality wasn't important since she knew that true sentiment lay behind it, "but I'll move hell and high water if I can to make sure nothing does."
He added something new this time, however when he said, "my little broken hallelujah."
"I do feel broken Scott like I never have before. I don't know if anyone can put the pieces back together."
"I'll try Emily, promise I will."
Emily pulled away and said, "I don't know if anybody can. I honestly don't know if anybody can."
The tears were now dry but Emily was exhausted from the exertion of the tears and the baring of her soul. "I'm going to go now, if that's alright. You can go join the Aussies if you want."
"I don't know where they went," Scott said, "but even if I did, I wouldn't go because I'd rather be here with you. There's nothing in the world that I want more."
Emily thought about what to do now. Should she let Scott come back up to her room. She didn't know what she'd do if he was let to come upstairs. She didn't know what he'd do if she let him come upstairs.
"I think I'd rather be alone right now, you understand, right?" Emily said.
"Of course I understand. Only you know what's best for you after all that you've been through," Scott replied.
"I really don't know either. But I just think it's better if I go to sleep now and don't talk anymore tonight. And you should get some sleep since you didn't yesterday. Let's go see Berlin tomorrow. You haven't seen any of it, right?"
"Not unless you count this karaoke bar," Scott said with a smile. It was so good to see him smiling again even if she couldn't at the moment.
"Well, I've hated Berlin so far too. But maybe there's some location that I've missed. You seemed to be having such a great time in Warsaw that maybe you know something I don't about this whole European travel thing."
"About the only thing I know is that I'm never staying a hostel with a curfew again," Scott joked. This time Emily could smile. She began to walk back into the lobby.
"Wait," Scott said loudly as he walked up behind her, "when and where do you want to meet?"
"9:30 a.m. at Zoo Station just like we planned, o.k."
Scott nodded as Emily began to walk away again.
"Emily, wait," Scott said loudly again.
Emily turned around again hoping that Scott wasn't going to ask where in Zoo Station they were supposed to meet.
"I didn't like Paris either, the whole city looks like a bunch of monster's teeth. There's nothing weird about hating Paris at all. But hasn't Berlin been at least a little better than Paris was?"
"Certain parts," Emily said with a little smile returning to her face. "How often do I get to hear you drunkenly warble Dire Straits songs?"
"Maybe a lot more in the future," Scott joked, "hopefully a lot more in the future. Good night Emily."
"You too Scott. I'll see you soon," she looked at her watch, "ten-and-a-half hours."
Scott grinned. "Some things never change, do they?"
"And I hope they never do," Emily said as she turned away to walk up the stairs, reaching down to straighten her skirt. It was only after the motion had stated that she realized that he two hands would have rubbed against nothing but pant leg.
She looked back at Scott trying to gauge his reaction to that awkward gesture. She also wondered if he would follow, hoping that he wouldn't. She didn't want to ruin this perfect moment and she didn't want him to ruin it either. She was relieved when he was already gone from the area at the foot of the stairs. He had went to sit down at a computer terminal in the lobby.
Emily smiled as she opened the door to her hostel room. The four bunks were empty and the place was so quiet with the English girls gone. She was asleep before she even had a chance to set an alarm.
Chapter Word Count: 3250
Daily Word Count: 3250
Total Word Count: 72115
