incendiarystory (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} incendiarystory) wrote,@ 2004-11-27 22:48:00 |
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Why Sleep When I'll Only Dream - CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
The Dam Breaks By The Seine River
"Why do you have your suitcase Emily?" Sandra asked as she trailed a few steps behind her as the walked along the Seine.
"The same reason that I did yesterday, and the same reason I've been telling you all morning. I'm getting the hell out of this awful city and going to Berlin," Emily replied curtly.
"Do you really think you've given it much of a chance?" Sandra said, "we've only been here a couple of days and you spent all of yesterday in bed sick. I mean, there's so much to see and do here and we've got so much time left in Europe."
Sandra and Emily had been repeating variation of the same lines since Sandra had gotten back to the hotel room, entirely disheveled at 6:45 a.m. that morning. Emily could practically read her mind. She knew the exact reason that Sandra wanted to stay in Paris, she wanted more time with Jean. Emily was glad to a point that Sandra had such a great stay here and she had repeated to her multiple times that she was welcome to stay in Paris by herself. No, not even by herself, with Jean. She repeated this to her one more time.
"Emily, it's not safe to leave Paris alone. Remember what happened to you in Paris when you ventured out alone before? We're both here to protect each other."
Emily's complexion grew to a bright red as Sandra brought up the attempted rape. "I did fucking fine by myself Sandra," she said, "I can take care of myself and you've more than proven you can take care of yourself through whatever illicit means that may be."
"So this is about what I did for Jean that first night still?" Sandra asked, anger rising in her own voice.
"You're damn wrong that I'm leaving because of you. But, you're damn right that I'm still mad about that. Look Sandra, you've been great, but we just have different ideas about what we want. It's better for both of us if we just go our separate ways and meet back here in Paris for the flight home. I want to stay your friend and if we don't part ways now temporarily, I think we'll be parting ways forever when we get back to Chicago."
"Why do you want to stay my friend?" Sandra asked in a voice that loaded the question for a negative response.
"Do you want the truth? I want to stay your friend because I think I want to get back together with Scott."
"Oh that's a fucking brilliant reason Emily. Well, maybe if you don't want to be my friend just because you want to be my friend than we should part ways here. I saw good riddance. And is that why you're going to Berlin? To see Scott? Look, he sent me an e-mail too, I know he's got to come back to Paris. He's going by way of Berlin, isn't he?"
"Well, he wasn't planning on it as far as I know," Emily said, "meeting in Berlin was my idea."
"If you want my opinion, it's an absolutely terrible idea. Look, I haven't said this up until now because I didn't want to hurt you, but there are a few things you really need to know about Scott that you don't know."
Emily was furious. She bellowed out so loud that he voice echoed off the early morning air. "Do you think I don't know everything about Scott? Scott and I dated for six years! Six years!"
Now Sandra was screaming back, "I've known Scott for a lot longer than you have and there are some secrets that he wouldn't want revealed. But, you know what? Even though I shouldn't, I'm going to protect you from making the biggest mistake of your life. If you get on that train, you're going to regret it forever!"
"How am I going to regret going back to the only man in my dating history that's ever treated me like I deserve to be treated? How am I going to regret going to meet someone who has been there for me every time I have needed him? How am I going to regret going to meet someone who has never said a mean word or done a mean thing to me? How am I going to regret leaving behind some God damn whore who didn't even have enough respect for me to not have sex in front of me not 72 hours ago?"
"So I'm a whore then?"
"God damn right you're a whore!!!"
"Well fuck you Emily, fuck you then," Sandra said on the verge of tears, "you want to know something about Scott, your beloved perfect Scott? Your Scott raped me!"
"You're fucking lying!" Emily screamed, her fact bright red, "you're lying just to hurt me! He's your fucking cousin for God's sake!"
"Oh, I wish I were lying, Emily. But, it's the whole truth may lightning strike me down. You remember when you first met him and you asked him what was wrong with me? Remember what he said about 'I think she had her brain removed playing doctor once when we were kids.' Well, I fucking wish that all he had removed was my brain. Yeah, we used to play doctor and one time, while he was examining me, he stuck it in. We were both about seven. I knew that it was wrong and I told him to stop. My god it hurt. He wouldn't stop though. After that, sex hasn't meant anything to me but a way to feel pleasure, it can never be special. So do you want to know why I'm a whore. Your angelic little Scott made me a whore!"
"Now I know you're fucking lying! I know it! And do you know what? You're fucking sick! You are fucking sick! You need help! You play on what happened to me two nights ago and you try to turn me against Scott. You are fucking sick. He's your fucking cousin. If that's really true, you would have nothing to do with him. Nothing at fucking all."
Now Sandra was crying. Emily had never seen Sandra cry before through all that they'd been through.
"You're right, you little naive bitch. I should have nothing to do with him but like you said, he's my cousin. What am I supposed to do, tell my father and mother that I'm not going to family gatherings because my cousin made me a victim of incest? How the fuck am I supposed to tell that to anyone?"
Sandra was so shaken now that she sat down on a park bench her knees clutch to her and her feet shaking and bouncing like she had no control. Emily was almost ready to believe her. She inhaled and asked her.
"It just doesn't make sense, it doesn't make any sense. You invite him to parties, you even introduced the two of us. I just don't believe you."
"You don't believe me?" Sandra screamed again. "I've never lied to you! Why don't you believe me! What reason have I ever given you to doubt me? Let me tell you another thing about Scott. He lied to you, he lies to you all of the time! Do you think he's interested in your politics? He probably laughs at you behind your back and thinks your causes are stupid."
The tone that Sandra was taking with her seemed as though she were still angry at Emily for something, like she was still trying to hurt her over her earlier words. It was all so confusing. Here was Sandra who had hurt her multiple times in the past few days saying things that didn't make any sense about Scott, a man who she thought she really knew. Sandra had stolen her maps and guides for goodness sakes, just to hurt her!
No, she decided, she did know him. Scott had always been honest with her. He had always told her exactly how he felt about everything. He didn't hide the fact that he didn't care about politics but he would never laugh about her causes behind her back. He would never want to hurt her like that. And, when it was Sandra that had hurt her, it had been Scott who had been there.
Emily said in a calmer tone to the sobbing Sandra, "I want to believe you Sandra. Really I do. But none of this makes any sense. None of it follows any kind of logical pattern."
"Logic? You want fucking logic?" Sandra's voice raised again. "I take care of you all day yesterday and believe everything you say. I ask no questions of you. And what do I get in return? You call me a liar! You call me a liar!"
"What are you saying?" Emily screamed pointing at her left arm with her right, "are you saying that I made what happened with Greg up to get your sympathy? Where did I get these cuts? Tell me where I could have gotten them? I have proof. It's right fucking there!"
"You're jealous of Jean and I," Sandra said, "you're jealous of Jean and I. You wanted me all to yourself so you probably faked the whole thing. You wanted me to do what you wanted to do in Paris so you made it all up. How do you like that you little thin bitch! Yeah, it hurts when someone doubts your pain, doesn't it? You are so fucking naive!"
Emily raised her voice as loud as she could, "don't fucking call me naive! I am not even close! I see through your plan! You just revealed it right there! You're jealous of Scott and I. You don't want me to be happy! You've never wanted me to be happy! You're fucking miserable you psychotic cunt and you want me to be miserable too. So you lie! You lie about yourself and you lie about Scott to hurt me! Well it's not going to work anymore, we are through! I hope you rot in Hell for making up something so twisted!"
"You rot in Hell, you little naive bitch! In fact, go to Berlin and create it for yourself! See if I care! I'm going to sleep at night, naive bitch!"
Emily got right in Sandra's face and screamed, "don't call me naive! You know that bothers me and you fucking constantly do it! You know what! That proves everything. You're lying and I fucking hate you!"
She shoved Sandra against the bench as hard as she could. Letting go as Sandra began to bounce back, she slapped her hard across the right side of her face.
Sandra stood up and started to approach her. "You're going to regret that! You're going to see that I'm the one who really cared for you! You're going to be miserable and I'm going to be glad because you'll be miserable and that bastard Scott will be miserable. Go ahead to Berlin, you deserve each other."
Sandra collapsed back down on the bench sobbing as Emily walked away. Emily got twenty feet down the path, dragging her suitcase limply behind her, before she broke into tears also. She was still crying as the reached the Metro stop and boarded the long escalator that led underground. There was no composing herself this time, the dress that she had put on over her jeans remained unstraightened.
Chapter Word Count: 1868 [Edit of +14 words on November 28, 2004]
Daily Word Count: 5278 [Edit of +14 words on November 28, 2004]
Total Word Count: 57593 [Edit of +14 words on November 28, 2004]
"Why do you have your suitcase Emily?" Sandra asked as she trailed a few steps behind her as the walked along the Seine.
"The same reason that I did yesterday, and the same reason I've been telling you all morning. I'm getting the hell out of this awful city and going to Berlin," Emily replied curtly.
"Do you really think you've given it much of a chance?" Sandra said, "we've only been here a couple of days and you spent all of yesterday in bed sick. I mean, there's so much to see and do here and we've got so much time left in Europe."
Sandra and Emily had been repeating variation of the same lines since Sandra had gotten back to the hotel room, entirely disheveled at 6:45 a.m. that morning. Emily could practically read her mind. She knew the exact reason that Sandra wanted to stay in Paris, she wanted more time with Jean. Emily was glad to a point that Sandra had such a great stay here and she had repeated to her multiple times that she was welcome to stay in Paris by herself. No, not even by herself, with Jean. She repeated this to her one more time.
"Emily, it's not safe to leave Paris alone. Remember what happened to you in Paris when you ventured out alone before? We're both here to protect each other."
Emily's complexion grew to a bright red as Sandra brought up the attempted rape. "I did fucking fine by myself Sandra," she said, "I can take care of myself and you've more than proven you can take care of yourself through whatever illicit means that may be."
"So this is about what I did for Jean that first night still?" Sandra asked, anger rising in her own voice.
"You're damn wrong that I'm leaving because of you. But, you're damn right that I'm still mad about that. Look Sandra, you've been great, but we just have different ideas about what we want. It's better for both of us if we just go our separate ways and meet back here in Paris for the flight home. I want to stay your friend and if we don't part ways now temporarily, I think we'll be parting ways forever when we get back to Chicago."
"Why do you want to stay my friend?" Sandra asked in a voice that loaded the question for a negative response.
"Do you want the truth? I want to stay your friend because I think I want to get back together with Scott."
"Oh that's a fucking brilliant reason Emily. Well, maybe if you don't want to be my friend just because you want to be my friend than we should part ways here. I saw good riddance. And is that why you're going to Berlin? To see Scott? Look, he sent me an e-mail too, I know he's got to come back to Paris. He's going by way of Berlin, isn't he?"
"Well, he wasn't planning on it as far as I know," Emily said, "meeting in Berlin was my idea."
"If you want my opinion, it's an absolutely terrible idea. Look, I haven't said this up until now because I didn't want to hurt you, but there are a few things you really need to know about Scott that you don't know."
Emily was furious. She bellowed out so loud that he voice echoed off the early morning air. "Do you think I don't know everything about Scott? Scott and I dated for six years! Six years!"
Now Sandra was screaming back, "I've known Scott for a lot longer than you have and there are some secrets that he wouldn't want revealed. But, you know what? Even though I shouldn't, I'm going to protect you from making the biggest mistake of your life. If you get on that train, you're going to regret it forever!"
"How am I going to regret going back to the only man in my dating history that's ever treated me like I deserve to be treated? How am I going to regret going to meet someone who has been there for me every time I have needed him? How am I going to regret going to meet someone who has never said a mean word or done a mean thing to me? How am I going to regret leaving behind some God damn whore who didn't even have enough respect for me to not have sex in front of me not 72 hours ago?"
"So I'm a whore then?"
"God damn right you're a whore!!!"
"Well fuck you Emily, fuck you then," Sandra said on the verge of tears, "you want to know something about Scott, your beloved perfect Scott? Your Scott raped me!"
"You're fucking lying!" Emily screamed, her fact bright red, "you're lying just to hurt me! He's your fucking cousin for God's sake!"
"Oh, I wish I were lying, Emily. But, it's the whole truth may lightning strike me down. You remember when you first met him and you asked him what was wrong with me? Remember what he said about 'I think she had her brain removed playing doctor once when we were kids.' Well, I fucking wish that all he had removed was my brain. Yeah, we used to play doctor and one time, while he was examining me, he stuck it in. We were both about seven. I knew that it was wrong and I told him to stop. My god it hurt. He wouldn't stop though. After that, sex hasn't meant anything to me but a way to feel pleasure, it can never be special. So do you want to know why I'm a whore. Your angelic little Scott made me a whore!"
"Now I know you're fucking lying! I know it! And do you know what? You're fucking sick! You are fucking sick! You need help! You play on what happened to me two nights ago and you try to turn me against Scott. You are fucking sick. He's your fucking cousin. If that's really true, you would have nothing to do with him. Nothing at fucking all."
Now Sandra was crying. Emily had never seen Sandra cry before through all that they'd been through.
"You're right, you little naive bitch. I should have nothing to do with him but like you said, he's my cousin. What am I supposed to do, tell my father and mother that I'm not going to family gatherings because my cousin made me a victim of incest? How the fuck am I supposed to tell that to anyone?"
Sandra was so shaken now that she sat down on a park bench her knees clutch to her and her feet shaking and bouncing like she had no control. Emily was almost ready to believe her. She inhaled and asked her.
"It just doesn't make sense, it doesn't make any sense. You invite him to parties, you even introduced the two of us. I just don't believe you."
"You don't believe me?" Sandra screamed again. "I've never lied to you! Why don't you believe me! What reason have I ever given you to doubt me? Let me tell you another thing about Scott. He lied to you, he lies to you all of the time! Do you think he's interested in your politics? He probably laughs at you behind your back and thinks your causes are stupid."
The tone that Sandra was taking with her seemed as though she were still angry at Emily for something, like she was still trying to hurt her over her earlier words. It was all so confusing. Here was Sandra who had hurt her multiple times in the past few days saying things that didn't make any sense about Scott, a man who she thought she really knew. Sandra had stolen her maps and guides for goodness sakes, just to hurt her!
No, she decided, she did know him. Scott had always been honest with her. He had always told her exactly how he felt about everything. He didn't hide the fact that he didn't care about politics but he would never laugh about her causes behind her back. He would never want to hurt her like that. And, when it was Sandra that had hurt her, it had been Scott who had been there.
Emily said in a calmer tone to the sobbing Sandra, "I want to believe you Sandra. Really I do. But none of this makes any sense. None of it follows any kind of logical pattern."
"Logic? You want fucking logic?" Sandra's voice raised again. "I take care of you all day yesterday and believe everything you say. I ask no questions of you. And what do I get in return? You call me a liar! You call me a liar!"
"What are you saying?" Emily screamed pointing at her left arm with her right, "are you saying that I made what happened with Greg up to get your sympathy? Where did I get these cuts? Tell me where I could have gotten them? I have proof. It's right fucking there!"
"You're jealous of Jean and I," Sandra said, "you're jealous of Jean and I. You wanted me all to yourself so you probably faked the whole thing. You wanted me to do what you wanted to do in Paris so you made it all up. How do you like that you little thin bitch! Yeah, it hurts when someone doubts your pain, doesn't it? You are so fucking naive!"
Emily raised her voice as loud as she could, "don't fucking call me naive! I am not even close! I see through your plan! You just revealed it right there! You're jealous of Scott and I. You don't want me to be happy! You've never wanted me to be happy! You're fucking miserable you psychotic cunt and you want me to be miserable too. So you lie! You lie about yourself and you lie about Scott to hurt me! Well it's not going to work anymore, we are through! I hope you rot in Hell for making up something so twisted!"
"You rot in Hell, you little naive bitch! In fact, go to Berlin and create it for yourself! See if I care! I'm going to sleep at night, naive bitch!"
Emily got right in Sandra's face and screamed, "don't call me naive! You know that bothers me and you fucking constantly do it! You know what! That proves everything. You're lying and I fucking hate you!"
She shoved Sandra against the bench as hard as she could. Letting go as Sandra began to bounce back, she slapped her hard across the right side of her face.
Sandra stood up and started to approach her. "You're going to regret that! You're going to see that I'm the one who really cared for you! You're going to be miserable and I'm going to be glad because you'll be miserable and that bastard Scott will be miserable. Go ahead to Berlin, you deserve each other."
Sandra collapsed back down on the bench sobbing as Emily walked away. Emily got twenty feet down the path, dragging her suitcase limply behind her, before she broke into tears also. She was still crying as the reached the Metro stop and boarded the long escalator that led underground. There was no composing herself this time, the dress that she had put on over her jeans remained unstraightened.
Chapter Word Count: 1868 [Edit of +14 words on November 28, 2004]
Daily Word Count: 5278 [Edit of +14 words on November 28, 2004]
Total Word Count: 57593 [Edit of +14 words on November 28, 2004]
